Visiting a child at the end of her life

Hello,

My daughter is going to visit another child that is facing end of life due to brain cancer. Sally is 12 yrs old and likes others to read to her. Do you have any books that would be appropriate or any you know that others have enjoyed. If you have any suggestions for gifts ect we would greatly appreciate it. I am also concerned about how to discuss the deteriorating condition to Becka( my daughter), about her “pen pal” Sally. She has not met Sally face to face before, but has exchanged cards, letters in the past. She is the granddaughter of my mother’s good friend. Thanks for your response.

Update on Wednesday, May 4, 2011 at 10:50AM by Admin

The greatest book in the world for a child or adult facing certain death is called THE NEXT PLACE by Warren Hanson. You can find it here: Amazon
I read this book to hospice patients all time, regardless of their age or spiritual beliefs. 

Regarding how to discuss the facts with Becka, I believe that the best way is to be clear and honest as possible. Children can see through b.s., so straightforward is the way to do it. Don't be afraid to use the word "die" or "death." We learn in hospice training that there is nothing wrong with this words, and it helps for people to face them rather than to cloak death in euphemisms. 

There are many great books about talking to children about death in Darcie Simms' collection

Update on Wednesday, May 4, 2011 at 10:55AM by Admin

Please send the mom the address: info@ekrfoundation.org and have her order the Dougy Letter immediately. It was written by Elisabeth for a child with cancer and is the single most beautiful, expressive way to help a child cope with loss and death. Dianne

Update on Wednesday, May 4, 2011 at 10:56AM by Admin

My first thought would be to suggest the visiting girl read whatever she enjoys, to share her favorites with her ailing friend. I will run the question by our Child Life Specialist too to see if she has any ideas. But at this age, anything that helps her stay current with peers and their interests is likely to be appreciated. If her young friend is too ill, or much changed, I might suggest encouraging her to recognize her friend no doubt hears her and appreciates her presence even if she can't show it well. It would be important to prepare her for any unusual physical circumstances or changes that may be present? Maybe work out a signal if she needs to take a break? Maybe suggest shorter visits to start so they can test the waters? Stacy